Social skills conversation game to help children with autism practice small talk
For many young people on the autism spectrum, doing small talk does not come naturally, and in fact it can be really difficult. Many benefit from mastering certain typical, common ground topics. Since learning these skills is very hard work, we need to keep it as enjoyable as possible.
For some time, in my own work, I have been helping children practice conversation by introducing typical topics of weekends and weather, among others. In March 2021, Everyday Speech Videos featured a training video for children on the spectrum on this topic.
Screen shot from Everyday Speech Video on this topic. This company’s videos are pretty terrific.
I felt inspired to create a paper fortune teller on this theme.
[This is page 10 of the English and French versions of my book, The Conversation Train.]
Young people with autism and “How are you?” questions
When people with ASD are asked open-ended questions like “How are you doing?”, “What’s up?” or “How’s it going?”, they often can’t figure out just what it is the other person wants to know. Also, individuals with autism might be inexperienced at employing various quick, formulaic replies like “Fine, thanks” or “I’m doing okay. You?”
When people with autism are expected to ask other people “How are you?” or “How’s it going?”, many just avoid saying it altogether. There are several reasons for this. First, the unfolding of a conversation containing “How are you?” can be very unpredictable in length and in content. Asking a person how they are doing often elicits a lot of information that someone with ASD may feel unprepared to take in. Second, a person on the autism spectrum might not grasp the imperative of reciprocity in conversation, so when someone asks them “How are you?” they don’t end up asking the same thing in reply.
Years ago, when I first started working with children on the autism spectrum, I noticed right away that many of them had very rich fantasy lives. To learn more about it, I explored books, blogs, chat rooms and YouTube videos in which adults with autism reflected on this aspect of their psychology. What autistic people have to say on this subject is important.
Imagination and fantasy are important and normal aspects of being human. In our lives, we all have to work out how to enjoy pretending, use it to our advantage and control it. When life is difficult, it is certainly common for people to employ imagination to relieve stress and dream up possible solutions to problems. In my own work with children, teens and young adults on the autism spectrum who are dealing with anxiety, depression, social isolation and skills deficits, I do often find that my clients are using fantasy in ways that are helpful to them.
In my work with young people with ASD, I do however very often find that my clients become involved with fantasy-based interests and activities in ways that are problematic. These include:
*Enthrallment with the fantasy aspects of video games, contributing to withdrawal from social engagement and life skill activities
*Involvement with imaginary friends and imaginary worlds which lasts too long and assumes too much importance to the young person with ASD
*Awkward attempts to engage others in conversation and play based on the fantasy system
*Problematic engrossment with AI chatbots as companions
Vulnerability to excessive fantasy can affect all kinds of people, of course. In my own experience as a psychotherapist, I do find this problem is more common with autistic individuals. Many on the spectrum agree.
Some ways that therapists, teachers and parents can help young people with autism to understand and manage the ways they use fantasy and pretend:
*Help them to give candid and full descriptions of the fantasy-based thoughts and activities they value
*Validate their creativity and the functional aspects of activities powered by their imaginations
*Raise their awareness of ways that fantasy-based fixation can affect their lives and prospects adversely
*Reduce the severity of the problematic fantasy enthrallment and explore better ways to deal with boredom, anxiety and stress
*Engage parents and other family members in exploration of possible solutions
I have been working on the free download resources on this topic off and on for a long time. I use them a lot in my own work. I hope they are helpful in your work, too. I updated the worksheets in 2025 to reference the issue of online chatbots.
Joel Shaul
Don’t miss these other free worksheets, games, and teaching / therapy resources for children on the autism spectrum:
Christmas (and other holiday) social skills challenges for children with ASD
All children, including children on the spectrum, get excited about upcoming holidays. As teachers, therapists and parents, there are some things we can help them with ahead of time so they can enjoy the holidays as much as possible and cope with aspects of holidays that might be difficult for them.
Sensory issues: Children with ASD might experience aversion to unfamiliar foods and cooking aromas. They might feel uncomfortable in loud, crowded spaces such as family get-togethers and holiday concerts.
Conversation: Children with ASD often benefit from preparation and practice for the unique social communication opportunities that can occur during holidays.
Emotional regulation: Children who derive comfort from knowing what is going to happen next can find the unpredictable characteristics of holidays challenging, such as receiving unexpected gifts and experiencing sudden schedule changes.
Social expectations: During the holiday season, children with ASD can experience confusion regarding such social expectations as reciprocating generosity and acting more mature with increasing age.
Don’t miss these other free worksheets, games, and teaching / therapy resources for children on the autism spectrum:
This social skills card game is designed to help children with autism to explore friendship. It can be used in a variety ways. You can print out the friendship social skills cards and use them with dice in a social skills game or you can use them in an unstructured Q & A format. A separate download allows you to skip printing the cards and instead display them on a computer, which makes this social skills activity adaptable for teletherapy or classroom use.
Many children, especially children with autism spectrum disorders, have difficulty answering these questions from their parents at the end of the day. Children might be tired or distracted. They might not grasp the importance of exchanging information about the school day. They may have an impaired sense of what the parent knows or does not know.
I designed these sheets so that:
*Parents can use them as written prompts
*Mental health therapists and speech therapists working with children with autism can use them for guidance and practice for this important aspect of the parent-child relationship.
This first sheet offers examples, in thematic categories, of useful statements and phrases to use when answering “How was your day” kinds of questions.
This second page offers a variety of helpful suggestions.
The third sheet offers examples of how to use the phrase prompts from page 1.
I hope these materials are helpful for you.
Joel Shaul
For more materials to facilitate conversation between the child and family members, here is another set of free materials: Talk to Family Picture Sheets.
For more practice on asking and responding to “How are you?” questions, here is a cool and fun paper fortune teller on that topic.
